Towards, or Against: The Key to a Thriving Life

the key to a live that thrives, resilience during the pandemic

by Nick Stumbo
Executive Director, Pure Desire Ministries

Take a moment with me and think about the things in life that you move toward, and those things that you move against. What do you find yourself naturally moving towards? On the other hand, what do you find that you have a deep, internal aversion against?

For me, I move towards coffee. If the question has anything to do with coffee, I am “in” for the answer. I love grinding coffee, the smell of coffee, the noise of a busy coffee shop, and the feel of a hot coffee mug in my hands. I’ll drink it black, with cream and sugar, or all pimped out like an extra hot peppermint white mocha with vanilla soft top and caramel drizzle. My daughter now works at a Dutch Bros. coffee stand, so my coffee order keeps growing!

On the other hand, I move against snakes. Something inside of me recoils at the mere thought of the slimy creature. When my family visits the zoo, I don’t even venture into the reptile gardens. Why would I want to intentionally expose myself to snakes, even behind glass? I don’t need any of those slithering into my dreams.

I’m sure you could make your own list of what you move towards and against. In this blog, I want to invite you to think specifically about areas of weakness, brokenness and sin in your life. Do you move against your sinfulness, weakness, and old self, or towards those parts of you? Perhaps, more importantly, I should also add, do you believe God moves against your addictive behaviors and old self, or towards them?

Most men, if they are being honest, have a vision of God, who, in his judgement and anger over sin, moves against these parts of them. He wants to set us free from this wickedness or weakness by casting it out of us or punishing our unrepentance. This view of God makes him very strict, authoritarian, and harsh towards us.

But how did Jesus – God made flesh – act towards the broken, sinful people that he encountered in this world? Let’s review!

In John 4, Jesus met a woman at the well, knowing that she had five former husbands and the man she was now living with was not her husband. This Samaritan woman, rejected by so many others, is the first to hear Jesus proclaim, “I am the Messiah”.
In John 8, Jesus has a woman caught in adultery thrown at his feet, as the Pharisees bait him to call for her death. Jesus instead replies, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!” And then, to the woman, Jesus reaches out in compassion saying, “Has no one condemned you? Neither do I. No go and sin no more!”
In Mark 10, Jesus interacts with a rich young man, whom Jesus knows will not be able to leave his riches behind to follow. The Scripture passage records that Jesus responds to him, “feeling genuine love for him…”
In Luke 19, Jesus asks to go to the house of Zacchaeus for a meal, the ultimate sign of acceptance and belonging for a Jew.
In John 21, after Peter has denied Jesus three times, Jesus invites him back into the mission, asking Peter three times, “Do you love me?” Jesus doesn’t condemn him for a lack of faith, but instead invites Peter into a relationship built on love.
In multiple places, Jesus is accused of being a friend of sinners and found often in their company.
Hebrews 4:15-16 reminds us, “We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are– yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence!”

We can see in all of these passages (and so many more not listed here) that God, as revealed to us in Jesus, moves towards our sinfulness, brokenness and addiction. His heart is moved by compassion for the pain and weakness we suffer, and he partners with us to walk in a new way that pleases Him. He is not offended by our humanity; He moves towards us so that we might experience his love and learn to see ourselves as He does.

But the question remains: do we? Do we move towards our sinful parts, or do we war against them? The truth that I want to plant in your thinking – a truth that I believe is a key to thriving in life – is that freedom may be found in understanding our unwanted parts, not in trying to kill them off!

Now, as an aside, yes, we need to deny ourselves, die to ourselves, strip off the old, and put to death our old nature. All true! But how we go about this seems key. We do want to kill the sinful behavior lurking in us that can lead us away from God and the version of ourselves He designed us to be! But what if our ability to ‘kill the behavior’ means understanding what drives it, the source of the behavior, and inviting God to meet us in that place? Too many men are busy running away from their broken parts – moving against – while God in His grace is inviting them to move towards those parts with His love in mind!

Try to picture the dynamic of ‘towards’ or ‘against’ in this way. If the most sinful, lustful, old-natured part of you could be represented as a person, what would he look like? For me, that man would look gaunt, pale, weak, alone and angry; sitting in the corner of a dark room. What would your picture be? If Jesus walked into that room, what would He do? How would he react to that person? Based on everything we’ve seen above from Scripture, don’t you think Jesus would go over to that version of you, put his arms around you, love you, and ask what you needed? Don’t you believe He would move towards you and want to help and heal you? I do.

Now here’s the kicker. What if you walked into that room? What if the ‘good’ parts of you walk in and see that other you – how do you react? I know for me, when I walk into the room, I treat that part of me very poorly, with heaps of shame, condemnation, and you-should-be-better ideals.

In thinking along this topic, I have developed a new definition of spiritual maturity. I used to think that spiritual maturity meant knowing the Scripture well, praying often, or being someone who gets easily lost in Bible Study. All of that is well and good, but I have decided on a new definition: Spiritual maturity means having a whole-hearted agreement with Jesus’s compassion towards the broken parts of me.

If Jesus moves towards my brokenness with love and compassion, who am I to do otherwise? It is a unique form of arrogance when we believe we know better than God how we ought to be treated. I am learning – slowly – how to bring the broken, unwanted parts of my life to God, and in humility, accept his overwhelming love that moves towards me even in those places.

When we do this, when we move towards our brokenness with God’s love, we will begin to thrive and grow like never before.

I pray that we will be men who move towards our weakness, not against, so that we might partner with God on this journey of transformation, together.

Pure Desire is a Christian ministry based in the Greater Portland, OR area that is helping families impacted by sexual brokenness find healing and recovery. To learn more and explore their many resources, groups, counseling and events visit puredesire.org

Nick Stumbo is the Executive Director of Pure Desire. You can read Nicks full bio HERE.